Belgium Leads Push for U.S. Regime Change

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Spurred by reports of an aggressive military buildup and failure to rein in corporate terrorists, Belgium is pressing for a preemptive strike against the regime of George W. Bush.

“We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates while the United States government engages in a policy of harassment,” Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt said in a nationally televised address to the Belgian people. “Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle.”

Belgian intelligence sources indicate that the US is in possession of weapons of mass destruction—chemical, biological, and nuclear. “We know that the United States has nuclear weapons and that they have actually used them in the past,” said the prime minister. “There is no reason to think they won’t use them in the future.”

Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapons inspectors be given “unfettered access to the massive stockpiles” of weapons and that they be destroyed immediately.

“We stand at the crossroads,” said Verhofstadt. “Either the United States agrees to our demands, or we will be forced to put down our delicious chocolates and lead the way for permanent regime change. Remember, the current clique in Washington was elected in direct contravention of the will of the American people. Regime change will be welcomed by their citizens.”<br>
Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift. “We stand with our Belgian brothers,” offered French President Jacques Chirac. “France is willing to commit 35 troops and many cases of fine champagne to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines enjoying our tasty baguettes while our comrades from Antwerp go it alone. Let me assure the dear prime minister. France is with you, almost.”<br>
Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince words. “Again, it is the powerful Belgians who must lead the world against aggression and American hegemony. Russia stands with her European allies and insists that the United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had delicious foods.”<br>
Following the speech, the mood at the White House was one of defiance. “Let the Belgians make their empty threats,” said White House spokesperson Ari Fleischer. “We are urging Hershey, Mars, and other fine American chocolate makers to increase their output by 200 percent. We intend to break up the evil-doing Belgian chocolate cartel once and for all.”<br>
Vice President dick Cheney was even more bellicose. Speaking directly underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed underground bunker, the vice president warned of dire consequences should Belgium make a preemptive strike.

“We are prepared to strike back with alarming force,” said Cheney. “The Belgians cannot bully us. We here in America have God on our side. To hell with their chocolate.”<br>
Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice were trying hard to persuade President Bush that there is indeed a country named Belgium.

- www.futurenet.org/24democracy/lebovits.htm

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Pro-Democracy Coup to be Staged No Later Than Next Spring

by Dennis Hans

BUENOS AIRES -- The Association of Nations Destroyed, Destabilized or Otherwise Violated by Uncle Sam, or ANDDOVUS, has authorized the ouster of the current U.S. administration by no later than March 2003.

Foreign ministers of the 123 nations that make up ANDDOVUS met earlier this week in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where they agreed to appropriate $42.8 billion for what they termed “regime change in the United States.”

“We’ll do just what the CIA has done to so many ANDDOVUS nations,” said an aide to the Angolan foreign minister. “We’ll use bribes to recruit or subvert the media, labor unions, business groups, political parties or factions within parties, and disaffected officers in the military and police.”

The basic idea, as mapped out in planning documents marked TOP SECRET, is to gradually turn up the heat on the Bush administration from all sectors and strata of U.S. society until the president has no choice but to step down. At that point, ANDDOVUS will install its own people, dissolve the Congress and set a 2005 date for new -- and publicly financed -- elections.

Of course, not every covert operation succeeds, so ANDDOVUS has a forceful backup plan in place: a military invasion from the south, preceded by an uprising in what Vicente Fox calls “the occupied territories of Mexico’s North Bank” (what the U.S. calls Texas, Arizona, New Mexico and southern California). The uprising’s objective is to gain control of the air and land corridors vital to the invasion.

The political and/or military operations will be coordinated by an ANDDOVUS committee known as DUO, or “Do Unto Others.”

Should DUO succeed, don’t look for it to install Al Gore or any other big-name Democrat. “If you watched the foreign-policy debate in 2000,” a Guatemalan official observed, “you know that Gore agreed with everything Bush said and vice versa. Now we might find a place in our coup for a Russ Feingold or Dennis Kucinich, but as for the leadership of the Democrats, forget it.”

The idea of deposing the U.S. government has been broached periodically at ANDDOVUS gatherings. “I believe I was the first, back in 1972,” said Diego Gonzales, who at the time was Chile’s foreign minister. “The U.S. was in the process of doing to my country what it had done in other Latin nations -- destroying democracy -- so I urged ANDDOVUS to fight fire with fire by replacing Nixon and Kissinger with gringos who believe in the rule of law. Unfortunately, Nixon got wind of the initiative and bought off 35 foreign ministers prior to the vote.”

Back in 1972, ANDDOVUS had 54 member nations, but it achieved phenomenal growth during the 1980s. “We wanted economic growth, but Reagan gave us cadaver growth,” recalled Paulo Santos of Angola. “The man never met a terrorist he wouldn’t hail as a ‘freedom fighter.’”

The challenge facing DUO is finding prominent Americans who pay more than lip service to “self-determination,” a concept with two components.

“When the U.S. ousted Iraq from Kuwait,” said the foreign minister of East Timor, “it sought to uphold what I call ‘external self-determination’: the right of a small country to exercise sovereignty free from outside interference. The U.S. was right to tell Saddam he had no right to determine who rules Kuwait, just as it was wrong from 1975 to 1999 to allow Indonesia to determine who ruled my country. But a related U.S. goal in the Gulf War was to re-install an undemocratic ruling family -- that is, to help a monarchy deny the Kuwaiti people ‘internal self-determination.’ The same U.S. that prefers an undemocratic Kuwait now proclaims its devotion to internal self-determination for Iraqis! We prefer -- and will impose -- a U.S. government that regards self-determination as a principle to uphold rather than a soundbite to selectively invoke.”

“As bad as American politicians are, the media are worse,” a South African said. “You saw how the editors of the New York Times welcomed the military coup in Venezuela. In a sane world, columnists as pugnacious as the Times’ William Safire and Thomas Friedman would stick out like sore thumbs. But over at the ‘liberal’ Washington Post there’s a veritable ‘Fight Club’: Jim Hoagland, Charles Krauthammer, Lally Weymouth, Fred Hiatt, Robert Kagan, Michael Kelly and George Will.”

“I call them ‘Kissinger wannabes,’” said a Greek official. “It hasn’t dawned on them that their hero is now a ‘wannaby’: He’s ‘wanted by’ justice seekers for ordering or abetting crimes against humanity in Angola, Bangladesh, Cambodia, Chile, East Timor, Greece, Laos, Kurdistan, South Africa and Vietnam.”

Given the dearth of public personalities who deny the U.S. the right to unseat any foreign government it labels a threat, or to punish innocent civilians for the crimes of their dictator, DUO is cultivating relatively unknown Americans who possess the requisite humane, democratic values. The plan is to build up their stature and Q-ratings until they are household names.

A key figure in the effort is described by DUO sources as “a progressive, white-haired, former talk-show host who had a loyal following of soccer moms.” “We paid off a few executives,” said one source, “and now he’s set for a weeknight show on MSNBC starting this summer. He’ll give our people a platform, and those who strike a chord with the public will emerge as the braintrust of the coup regime.”

According to the secret ANDDOVUS proclamation, the coup planners “envision a U.S. that joins the rest of the world in a no-exceptions ban on landmines and weapons of mass destruction, and works well with others to resolve peacefully -- and with justice -- disputes within and among nations.”

“It’s an easy program to get with,” said Chile’s Gonzales. “It’s a shame the Bush administration won’t even try.”

- www.commondreams.org/views02/0507-07.htm

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

While far from the only country that intervenes in other countries' affairs, the US has a long history of seeking to change unfriendly governments abroad. Here is a selection of major US interventions - direct and indirect - since World War II.

1953: Iran
Iranian President Mohammad Mossadegh is ousted by a coup organized and directed by the CIA with help from British Intelli- gence. He's tried in a military court and sentenced to death, a sentence later commuted to three years in jail and lifetime house arrest. The US-friendly shah, Mohammed Reza Pahlavi, is returned to power and rules until Islamic fundamentalists drive him into exile in 1979.

1954: Guatemala
A CIA-organized coup topples the nationalist reformist government of Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz in favor of a military government that suppresses opposition until the return of democracy in 1986. Civil war effectively continues until 1996.

1960: Congo
African nationalist leader Patrice Lumumba, elected in June 1960 as the first prime minister of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, is assassinated following a US/Belgian-organized coup designed to remove the Soviet-backed government. Succession by Mobutu Sese Seko ushers in 32 years of dictatorial and corrupt rule.

1961: Cuba
The US-backed invasion at the Bay of Pigs fails. The US earlier broke off relations with Cuba after Fidel Castro took power and nationalized along Soviet lines. Cuba declared itself Marxist-Leninist, and the US responded by instituting an economic and political blockade more or less in place to this day. Castro remains in power.

1965: Dominican Republic
US military forces invade the Dominican Republic after a coup returns to power ousted president Juan Bosch. Fearful of another Cuba-style Communist takeover, the US supports Joaquin Balaguer who is elected president and serves intermittent terms until 1996.

1973: Chile
The CIA secretly funds a coup against Marxist President Salvador Allende which brings Gen. Augusto Pinochet to power for 17 years. (General Pinochet later faced charges for human rights abuses committed during his years in power, but the Chilean Supreme Court dismissed the case last year, ruling the former dictator unfit to stand trial.)

1983: Grenada
The Reagan Administration mounts an invasion of Grenada, with token backing from several Caribbean states, to depose Prime Minister Maurice Bishop, the charismatic leader of the socialist National Jewel Movement. The US viewed Bishop's growing links with Castro's Cuba as a threat. In his place, the US establishes and aids a friendlier administration.

1986: Philippines
The US encourages a presidential election, which President Ferdinand Marcos attempts to steal. The results are disputed, and Army commanders led by Gen. Fidel Ramos back Corazon Aquino, widow of assassinated ex-Liberal Party leader Benigno Aquino. The US pressures Marcos to accept exile in Hawaii. In 1992, Ramos is elected president, and the US withdraws from its military bases in the Philippines.

1986: Libya
US bombers attack Libya, killing 101, but missing their intended target: Arab nationalist leader Col. Muammar Qaddafi, who first seized power in a 1969 revolution. Parts of Qaddafi's Tripoli compound are destroyed. Two years later, when a Pan Am airliner explodes over Lockerbie, Scotland, the US and Britain allege Libyan complicity; one suspect is convicted (in 2001) of the bombing.

1989: Panama
US military forces invade Panama and its ruler, Gen. Manuel António Noriega, is arrested and flown to the US to stand trial for smuggling drugs. In his place, Guillermo Endara, who won an earlier election, is installed as constitutional president. The country makes a relatively successful transition to democracy, though elected leaders' economic reforms prove unpopular.

1992: Somalia
American troops lead A UN peacekeeping force but begin withdrawing a year later after a failed attempt to capture warlord Gen. Mohamed Farah Aidid leaves 18 US soldiers dead.

1994: Haiti
A military regime relinquishes power in the face of an imminent US invasion; US forces land peacefully in Haiti to oversee a transition to civilian government. Jean-Bertrand Aristide returns to power.

1999: Yugoslavia
President Slobodan Milosevic's policies of "ethnic cleansing" precipitate a mass exodus from Kosovo. NATO begins an aerial bombing of Yugoslavia. In October 2000, Milosevic is ousted in a popular uprising and extradited to face charges of war crimes.

2001: Afganistan
a US-led invasion topples the Taliban government after it refuses to detain suspects or provide information regarding recent terrorist attacks on the US. The country's interim president, Hamid Karzai is later chosen by a tribal council to lead a semi-democratic government. But law- lessness and chaos still reign outside the capital, Kabul.

- www.publicbroadcasting.net/kpbs/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=446940

[Cranky]

mr said:

Spurred by reports of an aggressive military buildup and failure to rein in corporate terrorists, Belgium is pressing for a preemptive strike against the regime of George W. Bush.

“We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates while the United States government engages in a policy of harassment,” Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt said in a nationally televised address to the Belgian people. “Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle.”

Belgian intelligence sources indicate that the US is in possession of weapons of mass destruction—chemical, biological, and nuclear. “We know that the United States has nuclear weapons and that they have actually used them in the past,” said the prime minister. “There is no reason to think they won’t use them in the future.”

Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapons inspectors be given “unfettered access to the massive stockpiles” of weapons and that they be destroyed immediately.

“We stand at the crossroads,” said Verhofstadt. “Either the United States agrees to our demands, or we will be forced to put down our delicious chocolates and lead the way for permanent regime change. Remember, the current clique in Washington was elected in direct contravention of the will of the American people. Regime change will be welcomed by their citizens.”<br>
Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift. “We stand with our Belgian brothers,” offered French President Jacques Chirac. “France is willing to commit 35 troops and many cases of fine champagne to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines enjoying our tasty baguettes while our comrades from Antwerp go it alone. Let me assure the dear prime minister. France is with you, almost.”<br>
Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince words. “Again, it is the powerful Belgians who must lead the world against aggression and American hegemony. Russia stands with her European allies and insists that the United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had delicious foods.”<br>
Following the speech, the mood at the White House was one of defiance. “Let the Belgians make their empty threats,” said White House spokesperson Ari Fleischer. “We are urging Hershey, Mars, and other fine American chocolate makers to increase their output by 200 percent. We intend to break up the evil-doing Belgian chocolate cartel once and for all.”<br>
Vice President dick Cheney was even more bellicose. Speaking directly underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed underground bunker, the vice president warned of dire consequences should Belgium make a preemptive strike.

“We are prepared to strike back with alarming force,” said Cheney. “The Belgians cannot bully us. We here in America have God on our side. To hell with their chocolate.”<br>
Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice were trying hard to persuade President Bush that there is indeed a country named Belgium.

- www.futurenet.org/24democracy/lebovits.htm

I read a secret report marked "Secret Report" that the Pentagon is preparing a secret report. In it, it said that the much decorated 42nd Street CrossDressing Eunuch Club is bieng trained to counter this cloudy and sometimes wet invasion.

BillyWanda Smith, the leader of this ferocious RLP's (Red Lipstick Fighters) brigade proudly proclaimed "We are in no mood to swing our hips to the enemy. In fact, we will even clash our finest black fishnet stockings with our red purses in order to let the enemy know that we mean business". Asked if they will take any prisoners, BillyWanda said "only if they are cute and like spanking".

*sigh*

[Cranky]

mr said:

While far from the only country that intervenes in other countries' affairs, the US has a long history of seeking to change unfriendly governments abroad. Here is a selection of major US interventions - direct and indirect - since World War II.

1953: Iran
Iranian President Mohammad Mossadegh is ousted by a coup organized and directed by the CIA with help from British Intelli- gence. He's tried in a military court and sentenced to death, a sentence later commuted to three years in jail and lifetime house arrest. The US-friendly shah, Mohammed Reza Pahlavi, is returned to power and rules until Islamic fundamentalists drive him into exile in 1979.

1954: Guatemala
A CIA-organized coup topples the nationalist reformist government of Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz in favor of a military government that suppresses opposition until the return of democracy in 1986. Civil war effectively continues until 1996.

1960: Congo
African nationalist leader Patrice Lumumba, elected in June 1960 as the first prime minister of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, is assassinated following a US/Belgian-organized coup designed to remove the Soviet-backed government. Succession by Mobutu Sese Seko ushers in 32 years of dictatorial and corrupt rule.

1961: Cuba
The US-backed invasion at the Bay of Pigs fails. The US earlier broke off relations with Cuba after Fidel Castro took power and nationalized along Soviet lines. Cuba declared itself Marxist-Leninist, and the US responded by instituting an economic and political blockade more or less in place to this day. Castro remains in power.

1965: Dominican Republic
US military forces invade the Dominican Republic after a coup returns to power ousted president Juan Bosch. Fearful of another Cuba-style Communist takeover, the US supports Joaquin Balaguer who is elected president and serves intermittent terms until 1996.

1973: Chile
The CIA secretly funds a coup against Marxist President Salvador Allende which brings Gen. Augusto Pinochet to power for 17 years. (General Pinochet later faced charges for human rights abuses committed during his years in power, but the Chilean Supreme Court dismissed the case last year, ruling the former dictator unfit to stand trial.)

1983: Grenada
The Reagan Administration mounts an invasion of Grenada, with token backing from several Caribbean states, to depose Prime Minister Maurice Bishop, the charismatic leader of the socialist National Jewel Movement. The US viewed Bishop's growing links with Castro's Cuba as a threat. In his place, the US establishes and aids a friendlier administration.

1986: Philippines
The US encourages a presidential election, which President Ferdinand Marcos attempts to steal. The results are disputed, and Army commanders led by Gen. Fidel Ramos back Corazon Aquino, widow of assassinated ex-Liberal Party leader Benigno Aquino. The US pressures Marcos to accept exile in Hawaii. In 1992, Ramos is elected president, and the US withdraws from its military bases in the Philippines.

1986: Libya
US bombers attack Libya, killing 101, but missing their intended target: Arab nationalist leader Col. Muammar Qaddafi, who first seized power in a 1969 revolution. Parts of Qaddafi's Tripoli compound are destroyed. Two years later, when a Pan Am airliner explodes over Lockerbie, Scotland, the US and Britain allege Libyan complicity; one suspect is convicted (in 2001) of the bombing.

1989: Panama
US military forces invade Panama and its ruler, Gen. Manuel António Noriega, is arrested and flown to the US to stand trial for smuggling drugs. In his place, Guillermo Endara, who won an earlier election, is installed as constitutional president. The country makes a relatively successful transition to democracy, though elected leaders' economic reforms prove unpopular.

1992: Somalia
American troops lead A UN peacekeeping force but begin withdrawing a year later after a failed attempt to capture warlord Gen. Mohamed Farah Aidid leaves 18 US soldiers dead.

1994: Haiti
A military regime relinquishes power in the face of an imminent US invasion; US forces land peacefully in Haiti to oversee a transition to civilian government. Jean-Bertrand Aristide returns to power.

1999: Yugoslavia
President Slobodan Milosevic's policies of "ethnic cleansing" precipitate a mass exodus from Kosovo. NATO begins an aerial bombing of Yugoslavia. In October 2000, Milosevic is ousted in a popular uprising and extradited to face charges of war crimes.

2001: Afganistan
a US-led invasion topples the Taliban government after it refuses to detain suspects or provide information regarding recent terrorist attacks on the US. The country's interim president, Hamid Karzai is later chosen by a tribal council to lead a semi-democratic government. But law- lessness and chaos still reign outside the capital, Kabul.

- www.publicbroadcasting.net/kpbs/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=446940

Hello Mr. Bush,

We, the like minded and somewhat sane Canadian people urge you to invade us as soon as possible. We have leaders who redefine comedy by their daily actions and render the "elected" government laughable. I am sure that the CIA is watching our Comedy Theater also know as the Canadian Parliament. Our unloved lead weight of a Prime Sinister has overstewed his welcome and now refuses to fall down.

Do not worry about Canadian resistance. At the appropriate time, our secret society of constipated conspirators will seize the CBC and play reruns of Bonanza with Lorne Green and endless loop of Celine Dion and Anne Murray songs. Thus, with the country sufficiently stunned, you will be able to mount your troop in a pickup truck and take over Parliament. Please place Al Gore as President in our Parliament. He will be a vast improvement (he invented the internet, you know) although I wish you had acted earlier we could of had Bubbles as Prime Minister and Micheal Jackson as Minister of Culture.

Don’t worry about our Armed Forces. We have none. Well, that is not totally true, we do have some but they are busy patching up 40 year old equipment and getting bogged down in endless Peace Sleeping missions. I hear Cyprus is a terrific little sleepy resort country.

Please help us at your earliest convinience and as an added incentive we will give you Quebec. Yes, I know, it's not much of a reward but they have hydroelectricity. What's that you say? It's like oil, but a bit more shocking and it flows in mini pipelines called hydro wires.

Yours Sincerely

Habs “JustWar” Addict

P.S. Can I have the Montreal Cnadiens? After all, what are friends for.


"Do not be fooled by its first four letters, for freedom always comes at a price"

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

HabsAddict said:

Hello Mr. Bush,

We, the like minded and somewhat sane Canadian people urge you to invade us as soon as possible. We have leaders who redefine comedy by their daily actions and render the "elected" government laughable. I am sure that the CIA is watching our Comedy Theater also know as the Canadian Parliament. Our unloved lead weight of a Prime Sinister has overstewed his welcome and now refuses to fall down.

Do not worry about Cnanadian resistance. At the appropriate time, our secret society of constipated conspirators will seize the CBC and play reruns of Bonanza with Lorne Green and endless loop of Celine Dion and Anne Murray songs. Thus, with the country sufficiently stunned, you will be able to mount your troop in a pickup truck and take over Parliament. Please place Al Gore as President in our Parliament. He will be a vast improvement (he invented the internet, you know) although I wish you had acted earlier we could have had Bubbles as Prime Minister and Micheal Jackson as Minister of Culture.

Don’t worry about our Armed Forces. We have none. Well, that is not totally true, we do have some but they are busy patching up 40 year old equipment and getting bogged down in endless Peace Sleeping missions. I hear Cyprus is a terrific little sleepy resort country.

Please help us at your earliest convinience and as an added incentive we will give you Quebec. Yes, I know, it's not much of a reward but they have hydroelectricity. What's that you say? It's like oil, but a bit more shocking and it flows in mini pipelines called hydro wires.

Yours Sincerely

Habs “JustWar” Addict

P.S. Can I have the Montreal Cnadiens? After all, what are friends for.

A-HA! I knew it. You *are* a CIA operative under the deepest cover possible in this country, that of a fanatical hockey fan.

That's OK though. We too have have an agent working in that arena across the border. Goes by the codename Bettman. Mind you we are having serious doubts about the intelligence he's providing.

P.S. I thought you already have the Montréal Canadiens? At least the number of your Yankee brethren you've drafted into the organization in recent years seems to indicate that. Not to mention that you managed to finagle purchase of the franchise outright.

[PTH]

Why would the US bother to invade ?
They already have aeasy access to all out natural ressources, and we send them highly trained people who want to make it big.

We're far more useful to them as a tag-along, who in the end winds up doing just what the US wants. Even in Iraq, we disagree on paper, yet wind up helping more than some pro-war countries are.

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Oh dear. Under "Canada" in the Little Red Book, it says "Running dog lackeys". I think that's a bit harsh.