Quand même it's a Montréal meme

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Hail the king!

>> Eating among the happy off-work workers, horny moms and vicious kids at Le Roi du Smoked Meat

by ALICE AND YANKA

In the mid-'50s, we were so jacked up on hot-dog fumes and spellbound by the wonders of blow**** that we completely missed out on the grand opening of Le Roi du Smoked Meat. See, we were only meant to discover this mad delicatessen in 2005, on the first day of spring fever.

Before breakdancing through the threshold of double doors, which you can pull on the right or push on the left, we celebrate the malade mental sculptures of banana peppers, sweet pimentos, dill tomatoes, pickled onions and plastic sundaes stuffed in giant jars in the window.

Jacky, la plus belle et la plus fine, what do you have for us?!

D'la O'Keefe, les enfants, poured in glasses worthy of le Roi.

So as not to ***-out the delicate balance of this jus maléfique and ruin it for our silvery palates, we must select food from the endless menu very carefully. Coquetel de crevettes et ananas tranchés? Du goudron pis d'la sloshe? It's all too grandiose. La Poutine du Roi ($6.50) is a mystery. No ingredients listed. À qui la chance?

À Alice, who was irremediably contaminated as a child by the deadly grasshopper plague and has had a burning toaster as a brain ever since. This weirdooo looks like a mound of ground baby, pink and smoked, and the thousands - no, billions - of grated meat particles are definitely having a love fest dans les frites, la gravy pis l'cheese! It's really not bad at all, surtout with ketchup.

Second plate to land on the table is for our special guest, un mirobolant polonais noirci par ses périples en pays exotiques. Pour lui, it's the Super Smoked Meat on rye with Swiss cheese and trimmings ($9.95). The paper mats boldly state that, "Le vrai goût du smoked meat sans bière est un jour sans soleil," so Jacky brings on a pitcher of Vieux-Montreal ($9.95), a beer the likes of which had yet to water our gosiers. Does it seep from the sewers of Vieux-Montréal? "Non, c't'une compagnie grecque qu'y'a ça!" Fiou!

The Polak must use fork and knife to work her way through these four storeys of a sandwich - the rosy, sweaty meat, stacked high with a slice of Swiss cheese on top. C'est bon? Bah. It's not bad, but it ain't great either. C'est comme ça.

Les brochettes are number nine on the table d'hôte: assiette de souvlakis (2 bâtons!) with rice, tzatziki, Greek salad and fries ($9.95). The préambule is a tiny glass of tomato juice, and hopélaille, in no time, Yanka introduces O'Keefe to Tomato Juice and the infallible chaser is born.

We know chaser can't even begin to describe this elixir, and when we get our friend Master Pipo on the phone, he gets it right: it's a Pulping Drink of Passion. Ouiiii! Pis, number nine? Well, the fries are undercooked and les chunks de porc, sauvagement embrochés on a bed of yellow rice, are marinated to perfection in garlic, lemon and powdered oregano. So what if the meat's nervous and riddled with des filaments de muscle that make a happy home between the choppers? Y'en restait pu à fin. Aussi, by mixing everything up, feta féroce, garlicky tzatziki, stressed-out pork, oily olives and a sliver of raw onion, we got tapas du peuple.

By 5 o'clock, the place is full, un reflux gastrique de happy off-work workers, horny moms, vicious kids, retirees and lonesome men reading and drinking wine. The conversations unfold in a crazy language that stirs the ears and echoes of "fait pas ta smatte" float in the greasy air while the waitresses on break, chins in hand, have that faraway look that screams two weeks in Florida. Bon voyage mesdames, it's been real.

On va vous débiter à la chainsaw [e-mail]

Le Roi du Smoked Meat
ADDRESS: 6705 St-Hubert
TEL: [phone]
CARDS: Saperlipopettety ATM machine
HOURS: 24/7. Delivery from 11 a.m.–5 a.m.
BONUS: They sell cigarettes in the front, $8.50 a pack
SMOKING: Oui, in the back, ben loin du soleil
BEST QUOTES: "Y'a une roche pognée en d'ssour d'la porte."
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS: Oui
PICKLES: Un ordre de dill for $1.25
WORST FEATURE: La maudite radio Rock Kétaine du câlisse. Why?
RATING: Not up to Polish standard! 8/10

- www.montrealmirror.com/2005/033105/resto.html

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Franglais ... The World Turns on a New Language
by Professor Arnie Greenberg

In Quebec there’s a problem with language. The majority are French speaking but English has crept in and in order to keep their language pure, the French controlled government has decreed that French is the ‘official’ language and ALL signs must be in that language. We therefore have boulangeries not bakeries. There are no gas stations, just station d’essence and our subway is called Le Metro, like in France. You don’t cross a bridge, you cross a ‘pont’. A drugstore is un pharmacie (makes sense) and we can’t go to Eaton’s store but we can go Chez Eton.

I don’t put a letter in the mailbox but I do put it in La Boite au Lettres. A hansom cab is une caleche, a refrigerator is le frigo . Once you get onto it, it can be fun.

However, living in Quebec, as I do, can be complicated. For example, a sign may be in English if the letters are smaller than those in French and they can be entirely English if they are in a store and not seen from the outside. Yes, it’s something to complain about and we do complain. I speak French but it’s not pure. Then again, I’ve discovered that the language as spoken in France is not pure either. Language is a major issue here in Quebec where the government sees French as ‘official’.

Canada sees French and English as both official languages. But, to my way of thinking, the languages are getting so melded that we’re heading for something in between. I understand the reasons for this occurrence. First of all Quebec is surrounded by English speaking countries. To do business in the world today, especially with our proximity to the United States, we must speak English and listen to US media, and we do. The young people jump on trendy words and they stick. Another reason is that our cultures are mixed. Quebec became French and then under British rule after the Battle of Quebec in 1759. Even though the language rights were guaranteed, English was now heard more often. The same thing happened when the Normans conquered Britain. Language changed. In the courts of law we use Latin and French.

There is a lot of French because our Civil law is taken from The Napoleonic Code (in Quebec). It’s complicated but the real issue is that with media bringing the world together verbally, the languages of both the French and the English are changing. I could go on but it’s not a fun subject unless you actually use examples. Here is a brief list to give you the idea.

- www.travel-watch.com/franglais.htm

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

December 9, 2002

SPEAKING IN TONGUES: Bilingualism is saving the country, writes BENOIT AUBIN in Montreal

IT WAS EXPECTED that people in Edmonton would overlook the fact that the national anthem should be sung in two languages in a nationally televised Grey Cup game -- Montreal Alouettes playing or not. They are like that in Alberta, aren't they? They don't know that French is still spoken elsewhere because they have killed it in their own province. They were the ones revolting against bilingual cereal boxes shoving French down their throats, right?

Well, we have to revise our cliches now. The most revealing feature of the great Grey Cup National Anthem Kerfuffle is that it did not take place. The organizers in Edmonton were quick to recognize their faux pas, profuse in their apologies, and gracious with their Plan B. They gave us the original, French version sung in full -- instead of the bilingual contraption used on hockey nights -- sung by Meredith McLeod with a lovely accent. No boo-birds in the stands. No shrieking by the professional whiners in Quebec. No story. No problem.

Something is up, obviously. Alberta+bilingualism=cool is a radically new formula in our national political, cultural equation.

Meanwhile in Quebec, a generation of parents who qualified as bona fide French-language activists are now enticing their children to pursue graduate studies in English at McGill or Concordia or Bishop's, to improve their chances in life.

On paper, it is a good plan, of course. But . . . poor kids! I happen to know one of them very well, and I can only empathize as she tries to master the intricacies of financial accounting and management theories in a language she understands, but does not command yet.

Small wonder that Pierre Elliott Trudeau encountered such passionate resistance when he introduced bilingualism as a policy defining Canadian society more than 30 years ago. Bilingualism is not a natural state of mind; it is an acquired skill, very much like a golf swing. Decades later, Canada is still not really bilingual; merely a country that boasts -- or tolerates -- two official languages. Only one province, New Brunswick, is officially bilingual. Ottawa, the capital city, is not. The province of Quebec is bilingual streetwise, but not so officially. Montreal is where English speakers have massively learned French recently, thus creating a novelty in America: a bilingual Anglo-Saxon minority.

You have become bilingual the day you are able to crack a joke or snap back in anger in a language other than the one you learned on your mother's lap. But until then, you often feel very much like an immigrant, struggling to communicate intimate abstractions through an unfamiliar idiom, capisti? ?comprende?

Nowadays, bilingualism is increasingly viewed as a certified asset, one that provides mobility and insight. According to Karl Moore, a management specialist at McGill University, there is a disproportionate number of Canadians running large international organizations the world over. The fact that they come from a smaller, and bilingual, country makes them better suited than, say, Americans or Britons to understand and handle the various cultural sensitivities at play in the global economy.

- www.intranet.management.mcgill.ca/experts/9dec02_moore.htm

[Tattac]

Mr B, do you know any articles about it in French?...I mean Franglais

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Tattac said:

Mr B, do you know any articles about it in French?...I mean Franglais

Voici les liens à quelques articles écrits en français au sujet de franglais, et d'autres dilemmes linguistiques. J'espère que tu les trouves utiles.

fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franglais

www.sdv.fr/pages/adamantine/frangl.htm

www.dicomoche.net/intro1.htm

www.accentgrave.org/article.php3?id_article=127

[Tattac]

Merci beaucoup, Mr B

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Go Away

Issue 15, May 2005

by Martin Patriquin

I have a message for anyone who, based on some recent high-profile music articles, might be planning a trip to Montreal. There isn’t a polite way to put this, so I’ll just come right out and say to all you scenesters, wanna-beats, hotshot musicians, ironic tie wearers, frat boys, pseudohippies, professional pot smokers, frustrated homosexuals and learned philosophy majors: stay home.

Let’s review. A few months ago, Spin Magazine was gracious enough to dub Montreal “the Next Big Scene,” in an article that was as reverential as it was inaccurate. True, this city is cheap, drunk and prone to dirty sex—but every Montrealer knows that the “vegetarian” Sala Rosa actually serves the sweatiest pork sausage this side of Spain. And don’t rely on Spin’s map of hot spots: you could easily end up partying in a bank, at a hardware store, or with Montreal’s choicest hand-job artists.

The New York Times gamely followed suit with “Cold Fusion: Montreal’s Explosive Music Scene,” an article more condescending than inaccurate. Montreal, writer David Carr opined, was one of those “small places” where the next big thing happens—like Minneapolis (population 400,000), Athens, Georgia (100,000), Austin (700,000) and Omaha (400,000). “It’s as if someone blows a whistle only those in the know can hear, and suddenly record executives and journalists are crawling all over what had previously been an obscure locale.” How Montreal—an island-city of 1.8 million, with two main languages, four major universities and as many daily newspapers—can be considered small is a matter for another day.

- www.maisonneuve.org/print_article.php?article_id=568

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Definitely one for the books
It shows little love for the street, but the new Grande Bibliothèque du Québec, writes LISA ROCHON, offers an exquisitely detailed salon in which to luxuriate over the printed word

By LISA ROCHON

Saturday, May 14, 2005

MONTREAL -- A long love affair with the written word, unrequited at times, has been officially blessed. La Grande Bibliothèque du Québec, designed by the internationally acclaimed Patkau Architects of Vancouver, delivers one of the most exceptional cultural salons in the country, making the Montreal library an architectural triumph -- almost.

Even midweek, the library is packed with people, and there are long lineups for free memberships. It is obviously the place to be. Veils of wood drop for three storeys through the interior. Monumental glass-curtain walls snap the rawness of a neighbouring back lane into sharp focus. In the library's atrium, there is an exhilarating core of movement, the glass elevators rigged with exposed cables that are dark and formidable, while stairs of near nothingness rise up on black structural spines.

This is the 21st-century recasting of the public library in Quebec, a vision spearheaded by Lise Bissonnette, the bibliotheque's founding director, and John and Patricia Patkau, whose firm won an international competition to design the library in 2000.

It hasn't always been this way. Before the Quiet Revolution, the Quebec Catholic Church orchestrated the censorship of great works of literature, including Les Fleurs du Mal by Charles Baudelaire. Fearful of a broadly educated public, the church waved away grants for neighbourhood public libraries offered by the Carnegie Foundation, while, in Ontario, more than 100 elegant Carnegie libraries were constructed in the province's towns and cities.

Now, in Montreal, the moment has come to luxuriate, guilt-free, over books.

Ceremonial steps with terrazzo treads nearly two metres wide allow for a slow ascension into the world of books. On all four floors, there is an abundance of black lounge chairs found at the edges of the building, near the glass walls. On the western flank, some of the reading booths with glass balustrades are cantilevered into the open air like the porches of Montreal's walkups. Visitors can look up from their books to be confronted with the lovely messiness of the ruelle Savoie, a back lane that runs parallel to the library's west flank. Plans to accommodate book vendors within the ground floor of the library's lane section could do much to invigorate a direct connection to the city.

The wall at the Grande Bibliothèque is captured in a sublime act of disappearance. This is a crucial decision by the Patkaus -- the wall as metaphor has famously been described in Quebec literature as a barrier to freedom. The generous use of birch wood throughout the library comes in response to Anne Hébert's Les Chambres de bois (1958), translated as The Silent Rooms in 1974, about a woman who returns to a simple life after being imprisoned by her husband.

But wandering through the library where people seemed to be positively vibrating within the warm, light-infused space, I was reminded of a passage in The Tin Flute (1945), in which Gabrielle Roy describes the struggle of the Lacasse family, and the cultural divide in Montreal between the French-speaking slum of St. Henri and the wealthy, English-dominated Westmount: "She had a sense of being imprisoned within these four walls only to suffer, and for nothing else."

Rendered as bamboo blinds opened to the light, the walls of horizontal birch slats divide the public space of the gallery from the stacks of books. Veils of wood are used to create boxes within the rectangular footprint of the library. One significant box -- about 2/3 of the total library space -- is dedicated to the open, public collections. The other section is reserved for the Quebec collection. Though it is located to the north of the building, this is the central hearth of the library.

There is an exquisite level of detail, not only in the architecture -- a joint venture between the Patkaus and Menkes Shooner Dagenais with project manager Stephan Chevalier -- but in the furniture by industrial designer Michel Dallaire. His sloped study carrels, constructed of Russian plywood, are paired together to resemble overturned books. The 300 study lamps were individually made -- none are identical. The library cost a total of $97.6-million for design, construction, furniture and equipment, about one-third the cost per square metre of the recently opened Seattle Public Library by Dutch superstar Rem Koolhaas.

Located in the Latin Quarter, next to the campus of the Université du Québec à Montréal, the library is essentially a very large, four-storey box. The attempt was to counter the sullen, brick massing of neighbouring buildings with something light and ethereal. The problem is that the library's cladding -- horizontal glass channels coloured light green -- is beautiful to the touch, but the overall picture on the street is more hygienic than clarifying.

There is evidence at the library of new synergies between the work of the Patkaus and that of Herzog & de Meuron, the Swiss stars of rigorous architecture that privileges extraordinary cladding. At the Bibliothèque, the glass cladding followed the discovery that copper would be far too expensive to use for the skin of the library. Instead, the architects settled for fritted channels shaped like the letter C that could be manufactured inexpensively in Quebec. The hope for the material was to exploit its ethereal, shifting qualities. This is particularly true at night. But ultimately the glass is an opaque material that prevents views into the inner workings of the library.

For more than 20 years, the Patkaus have been pushing hard in the name of architecture. Their Seabird Island Elementary School (1988) near Agassiz, B.C., unleashed architecture as allegory -- the building as mountain, the building as salmon -- to signal the struggle and emergence of the Seabird aboriginal people.

With the Montreal library, the Patkaus' gift for creating strong affiliations with landscape, through architecture, is reduced. Outside, there's only a little love for the street. A sunken landscaped pit brings light into the children's basement library and to the Berri subway station, but is otherwise a void cut into the sidewalk. To the north, the building presents a blank, unforgiving façade with zero interest in the connection between itself and the public outdoor space. Not even the gardens, the work of a rotating schedule of artists, can soften the hard edge of the building.

The building could grow into its outer edges over time. In fact, the intense love affair -- inside the library -- with the architecture and the book is sure to ignite a spontaneous romance with the streets.

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Alexander Calder makes the Journal de Montreal
Howdy!

It is rare when our local tabloid covers things visual, and rarer still that it is available on line, but today Le Journal hit the motherlode. They inform everybody that there is an "abandoned piece of art" here in Montreal, which someone thinks is worth $50 million. (I gotta hand it to 'em, it does make for a great headline.) Basically the news in a nutshell; Alexander Calder's L'Homme was made and installed for Expo 67. Unlike most stuff from that era it hasn't been burned, razed, or transformed into a money making machine. It has merely been forgotten. Because of the upcoming World Aquatic Championships, everybody at city hall is in a tizzy about making the city look its best. So Francine Sénécal conveniently remembered the sculpture, and then pointed out to people with the checkbook's that the graffiti on it was unsightly (if it's been tagged, who exactly are the people with the lousy memories? Certainly not the youth of this fair city).

Ms. Sénécal pointed out that the Calder sculpture that had been destroyed when the World Trade Center came crashing down had netted the owners $20 million from the insurance companies. Maybe because of this they decided to pitch in $116,000 of our tax dollars to get rid of the graffiti on it. I would imagine that the bulk of the money is going to this guy (nice work if you can get it, eh?). What I find most interesting is the arguments that Ms. Sénécal, used to convince the dudes with the fancy signatures to cough up the cash.

1. She dug up some old catalogues from Sotheby's and Christie's in New York (why they didn't think to look in London, Paris or elsewhere, I don't know).
2. L'Homme is the biggest unpainted Calder sculpture in the world (Instead of this being a feature, maybe it's a fault?).
3. The value of Calder's work continues to increase since 1998 (duh! He's dead).
4. Calder created it when he was at the top of his career (chicken or egg?).
5. Great sculptures of Calder are rare; and few cities have any: Chicago, Paris, Cologne, Berlin, Spoletto and Mexico City. (Ummm, I'd dispute the first point, and if your list of cities includes Cologne and Spoletto, I'm not sure what the point is.)
6. None of the large Canadian museums has a work of art of such a great value (Can you say "wrong?" Or if they are referring to solely expensive Calders, then how does this factor in to calculating the value of Montreal's?).

While I'm not against them restoring it to its original glory. I don't like the method or means with which the arguments were made to get the cash to do it. And given Montreal's past history of caring for public art, I can only guess that there are some shady back room deals being made. Why else would the Journal explicitly ask "are you going to move the sculpture?" And why else would Ms. Sénécal qualify her answer by saying "we are in the process of evaluating Jean Drapeau park, and we would prefer to bring people to the park." C'mon! The latest and greatest trend is to bring the fancy ass sculptures to where the money is! How much would you like to bet, that whatever company gives the most money to the World Aquatic Championships, gets to stick the Calder in their lobby, or better still in the backyard of the country house of their CEO!

- zekesgallery.blogspot.com/

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Île Sans Fil is a non-profit community group devoted to providing free public wireless internet access to mobile users in public spaces throughout Montreal, Canada. We use open source software and inexpensive commercial WIFI equipment to share broadband internet connections.

Users can use the internet in certain areas, or hotspots, if they have laptops equipped with a WIFI card. We work with cafes, stores, community organizations, and individuals to make internet access freely available in public spaces.

We believe that technology can be used to bring people together and foster a sense of community. In pursuit of that goal, Ile Sans Fil will be using it's hotspots to promote interaction between users, show new media art, and provide geographically- and community-relevant information.

- www.ilesansfil.org/

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Happy hole

>> Eight sandwiches, three desserts, one table and amazing cookies at Nouri

by ALICE AND YANKA

How we'd love to subsist in Russia right now, hidden in some dank pigeonhole, listening to Vladimir Semionnovitch Vissotsky sing about censorship, mosquitoes, adversity, old vipères and braga. Dressed in potato peels, hair tamed with tallow and nine-days-old bile, heads filled with seizures and burnt toast... for sure we could find a crumb of something to get by every day.

Icitte, à Montréal, on a rien trouvé d'ça, sauf l'alcove, le trou, and it's right off the Main pis d'sa populasse de coquerelles coiffées chez Coupe K-10. It's easy to miss from the outside, and do miss it if you enjoy admiring yourself in every porthole available or think it's absolutely normal for Patrick Huard and co. to shamelessly promote Loto-Québec on television, in exchange for an hefty paycheque en plus. Ça suce, sacrament, c'est pas croyable.

Dans un grand hall un peu décrépite, in a building that shelters Danny Textile, Imprimerie & Publicité Chinoise Lee Inc et une gang de chiens crackpot en ostie, Nouri has set up kitchen. Most of the factories that used to flourish here have taken their businesses to China and employees no longer line up to buy lunch. Bad for business, good for us. On n'aime pas les gens, juste les roches recouvertes de p'tite mousse verte.

Anyways, through the cavity in the wall that doubles as eating counter, the whole menagerie is on display: fridge, stove, coffee maker, plates, teapot, oven mitts, deux torchons qui pendouillent, fruits in a bowl, a shelf stacked with Sifflo salt and compadres. It's all grey, dirty green, old white and freezé au néon. Très joli.

Prone to smoking like balls rubbed with hot peppers, we are banished to the sole table in the middle of this nowhere de ciment bétonné. We don't mind one bit parce qu'on peut s'chauffer les fesses sales à même le calorifère, qui est juste à côté. It's our favourite kind of fancy, too, with a carpaccio-thin flowery nappe en plastique, dirty ashtray and unmatched teacups. Et le thé est bouillant. Asphyxia and sixth-degree burn in the middle of the day? Sure, ça ouvre l'appétit, en plus.

The menu is shorter than our whore heels and fits on one single cardboard: breakfasty treats, soup, salad, eight sandwiches, fresh juices, tea, coffee, three desserts. The sandwich Chickpea Shami ($3) is a good old pita, bloated with a yummy chickpea spread, shredded iceberg lettuce, fat slices of pickles and tomatoes. Simple de même. Soup ($3) probably changes everyday, but we don't know 'cause we didn't ask.

The Eggplant and Lentil sandwich ($3) is similar to its colleague but a wee bit duller. Maybe the eggplant just needs a sambal olek kick ou un shot de piment. Salad - lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers - ($3) is bait to tickle the inner rabbit. It's okay, but since stupid Alice forgot she hasn't eaten a raw tomato in two decades, the bowl remains pitifully almost full, un champ d'bataille de dead tomatoes. Poor Nouri has a sad and justified look of "tsk tsk tsk" as he takes it back to the kitchen. Sorry for this gaspillage éhonté, vraiment.

Except for a few tenants going up and down the stairs and a frustrated woman who bumps against Ungava's closed door and snarls "Ahhh Saperlipopette, sont fermés le lundi," it's very quiet. We even manage to start our Tabarnak, Patrick Huard letter. Sometimes, Nouri drops his apron and disappears for three half-seconds into the belly of the beast, faque on en profite pour tout casser dans place. We're rewarded with wild cookies ($1 each). He bakes them himself with rose juice, saffron, cinnamon, cloves, chocolate, pistachios, poppy, lemon, miam. The Crème Pouf ($1) looks amazing too but time's running out, on des chats sauvages à fouetter dans l'Grand Nord. Merci Nouri, take care et bonne semaine.

Nouri
MOTTO: Bien nourri chez Nouri
ADDRESS: 10 Pins W.
TEL: Non
CARDS: Say no to credit and bank fees: use cash
HOURS: Mon–Fri 9 a.m.–5 p.m.
PRICES: Cheap. Taxes are included, yé!
SMOKING: At the sole table, in the corridor. Counter is non-smoking.
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS: Steps to access building hall
VEGETARIAN FRIENDLY: Oui
BEST FEATURE: Cookies!!!
ALCOOL: Non
RATING: Trois étoiles honnêtes

- www.montrealmirror.com/2005/042805/resto.html

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Odds and ends, from who knows where:

Etiquette

Montréalers are generally informal, but you'll find you'll have a pleasanter experience if you follow these rules of etiquette.

DO:

If you do not speak French, politely begin your conversations with 'Parlez-vous anglais?' (Do you speak English?). It is rude to assume that they can speak English even though Montréal is mostly bilingual. When you are in your home, you expect people to ask you questions in English, not in their native tongue.

When in a shop, say 'Bonjour' when you enter and when leaving say 'Merci'.

It is customary to [sometimes] greet people [close friends] with a kiss on both cheeks. So if someone does it to you, it does not necessarily mean they are hitting on you.

DON'T:

Do not address your waiter as 'garçon'. It means "boy" and is considered rude. Say 'S'il vous plaît' (please) instead.

Do not touch fruit, vegetables, or flowers unless you are invited to do so in smaller shops. Tell the shopkeeper what you want and they will get it for you. In supermarkets you can touch the produce.

Do not talk about Québec political autonomy unless you are well versed in Québec's political history. It is a heated debate, and touchy subject among many Québecois.

Newspapers

Montreal has four daily newspapers. Only one, The Gazette, is in English. It belongs to the CanWest Global media empire. There are three French-language dailies, Le Devoir, La Presse and Le Journal de Montréal. There are also four free weekly cultural papers, two in each language, all publishing on Thursdays: Mirror and Hour in English, Voir and Ici in French. These can be picked up in many cafés and public places.

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Vive la différence!
You're as likely to get a croissant for breakfast as a muffin in North America's most gallic city. Nick Paton Walsh is smitten

Sunday March 17, 2002
The Observer

My neighbour on flight AC865 from London to Montreal had something to share with me. As he ensured my drink was a double, Nik, a businessman from Montreal via New Delhi and Hull [England], imparted his wisdom. 'The best thing about Montreal, my friend, is it is the cleanest and tidiest city in North America. The air is crisp, and the mountains are nearby. There is none of the smog of New York or London.'

He went on: 'But that doesn't take into account the food. It is the best in the world. Friends of mine fly from New York to Montreal just to eat,' he exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. 'But, my friend, wait until you see the people. They are the most beautiful in the world. They are lean, relaxed and healthy - like Americans want to be - but they speak French.'

Nik added that when business brings him to Montreal for six months of each year, he dares not live near the city. 'My friend, I have to work some time.'

- tinyurl.com/ajdth

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Montréal's architecture (photographs)

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Jun. 4, 2005. 01:00 AM

'Sweet deals' make for family fun in Montreal

SUSAN PIGG

One of the best summer surprises for my family was finding out, a few years back, how much fun Montreal can be as a quick getaway.

We made this discovery during the popular Just For Laughs Festival where there always seemed to be an impromptu comedy routine around every corner.

For three glorious days, the five of us indulged our craving for a taste of Europe, not to Montreal-style bagels, without once taking our car out of the hotel's underground parking lot.

This summer, I hope to make a return visit, inspired largely by the city's long lineup of "Sweet Deals" on hotel packages that come with discount coupons for a host of family events and attractions, including the new/old LaRonde waterfront amusement park.

I'll admit, I also want to see if the city lives up to its new warm — some might even say passionate — image, portrayed in two TV ads now running in the eastern United States.

They show a couple, arriving at their Montreal hotel, only to be grabbed, hugged and kissed on both cheeks by the bellhop.

"Montreal — you can't get much friendlier," says the announcer as the camera captures the stunned expressions on the tourists' faces.

The ads are aimed at boosting tourism, especially from the U.S., through a host of special offerings that make it worthwhile to take another look at Montreal.

Here, even the old is new again, thanks to about $55 million in additions and upgrades to the almost 40-year-old LaRonde family amusement park on Montreal's waterfront.

First built in 1967 as part of Expo celebrations, Quebec's largest amusement park was bought in 2001 by the American theme park company Six Flags and has recently opened a family section, Pays de Ribambelle, celebrating the park's new mascot, Ribambelle, with six new rides and a significant revamping of four others.

From the giant Monsieur L'Arbre — a 100-year-old tree that doubles as a flying merry-go-round — to diving shows and a new, giant water fountain, Six Flags has breathed new life into the tired old grounds. And there's more to come.

"You can expect to see a big bang for next year because we still have $35 million (in improvements) to go," says Anne-Marie Desautels, a spokesperson for LaRonde. (See www.laronde.com or call 514-397-2000 for prices and hours.)

If rides make your stomach churn, how about this? For the next two weekends, until June 19, you can give the kids a little different taste of Montreal at the Insect Tasting Celebration at the Insectarium de Montreal.

This outdoor family festival features bug tastings for the brave, but also educational displays and entertainment for those who can't stomach Fear Factor.

There's lots of buggy stuff all summer to delight kids, including the Monarch Odyssey in August and September when Insectarium staff tag monarchs about to start their migration to Mexico.

(See www.ville.montreal.qc.ca/insectarium or call 514-872-1400 for details.)

The Montreal Planetarium celebrates the 100th anniversary of the discovery of the theory of relativity with the show, ideal for kids over 12, It's All Relative, Mr. Einstien! (see www.planetarium.montreal.qc.ca or call 514-872-4530) and the Biodome gives kids a hands-on lesson in how animals and plants adapt to their environment in its Naturalia discovery room (see www.biodome.qc.ca or call 514-868-3000.)

TOHU, Montreal's fascinating "Circus City," built with help from Quebec phenom Cirque du Soleil in the city's poor St-Michel neighbourhood on the site of a former industrial dump, has become as much a monument to environmental renewal as a stage for unique circus shows from around the world.

In addition to a full roster of cutting-edge circus performances, TOHU has many free family activities, including cinema under the stars on Friday nights and Sunday afternoons at TOHU (see www.tohu.ca or call 1-888-376-TOHU for details.)

If nothing else, take in the international fireworks competition through the month of July (see http://www.internationaldesfeuxloto-quebec.com) or the many outdoor kid events during the Festival International de Jazz de Montreal from June 30 to July 10 (see http://www.montrealjazzfest.com).

And, just for a chuckle, don't miss the Just for Laughs Festival from July 14 to 24. (For details see www.hahaha.com or call 1-888-244-3155.)

For Sweet Deal offerings and more on events in Montreal, see www.tourisme-montreal.org or www.bonjourquebec.com

Susan Pigg is Associate Travel Editor at the [Toronto] Star.

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

The great amnesia

>> Politicians stall campaign to memorializethe Great Antonio

by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

When legendary strongman and local oddball Antonio Barichievich - better known as the Great Antonio - left this world in September 2003, many proposed a monument at his haunt at Rosemont's Beaubien Park.

The initiative appeared destined for success. Four thousand residents signed a petition supporting the plan. The city councillor for the district was an enthusiastic proponent, and Quebec's leading sculptor offered to do the artwork for free.

But Rosemont-Petite-Patrie borough mayor Denise Larouche's opposition has proved as immovable as the hulking Antonio himself once was.

Armand Vaillancourt, the legendary artist and sculptor, bemoans the borough's refusal of his offer. "Everybody would be happy if it was there," says Vaillancourt. "The public in the street, they don't stop talking to me about that."

Vaillancourt has a computer model of the sculpture which entails a boulder, positioned on a steel plate. On a nearby wall the shadow of the monument symbolizes the ongoing presence of Antonio's soul.

- www.montrealmirror.com/2005/060205/news1.html

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Canada Day poor orphan of our city's pageants
It's underfunded, little-loved and fails to interest many

JEFF HEINRICH
The Gazette

Thursday, June 30, 2005

"Canada is so far away it hardly exists."
- Jorge Luis Borges, in a 1974 radio interview

Javier Arancibia doesn't like parades.

Born here to Chilean parents, he considers himself a Montrealer first and foremost. And as he sees it, Montrealers don't need a parade to show who they are.

That's why, along with hundreds of thousands of other Montrealers of immigrant backgrounds, he won't be watching tomorrow's Canada Day parade.

"I've never carried a flag - I just don't like the idea," Arancibia, 21, said the other day, strolling in St. Louis Square with his girlfriend.

"Living here in Montreal, it's so varied, so multi-ethnic - why would you feel you have to say you're a part of something else?"

A lack of Canadian patriotism is one of the reasons why the annual Canada Day parade is a bit of an underwhelming event in Montreal, dwarfed in size by the St. Jean Baptiste parade.

In good weather, 40,000 people march in the St. Jean Baptiste defile. Fewer than one-10th as many - about 3,000 - take part in the Canada Day procession.

In effect, Canada Day is the poor orphan of Montreal parades - underfunded, little-loved, and for many Montrealers, uninteresting.

It has neither the budget (cut by about half this year to $38,000) nor the subsidies (only $5,000 this year has so far been covered by donations), neither the floats (only eight this year, down from 40 last year) nor the media interest (only one reporter showed up at the organizers' pre-parade press conference two weeks ago).

For those expecting more, the parade comes across as a quaint display of Canadian-ness - "cute," as one British expat retiree put it 10 years ago, interviewed in the crowd while he ate his free slice of Canada Day birthday cake, "very tentative, with many confusing images - very Canadian."

The parade also has an image problem. It's seen as a narrow display of attachment to Canada by old-style federalists, "anti-separatist" francophones and anglophones, and immigrants, who make up the bulk of the marchers.

Not that the ones who enjoy the parade feel that way.

"I think the Canada Day parade does it right - it's something where every group gets to express its own culture," said Haitian immigrant Jacques Charles, 60, who works at the Tourisme Quebec bureau on Dorchester Square. "It's the way the St. Jean Baptiste parade should be celebrated."

Support like that is what the organizers count on.

"We have Filipinos, Chinese, Irish, Italians, Ukrainians, Sri Lankans - lots of people who are willing to march for a united Canada," said Claude Leclerc, 67, a retired Rosemont trucker who is president of this year's organizing committee.

But are they exclusively federalist? Not necessarily.

Some also could be seen a week ago among the hordes waving the fleur-de-lis in the St. Jean Baptiste parade.

"You have to have an open mind - it's possible to go to both parades," said Bassam Eloud, 32, a Lebanese immigrant who attends the two events every year. Compounding the 28th annual Canada Day parade's problems are two major factors: the retirement of founder and longtime principal organizer Roopnarine Singh, who now lives in his native Trinidad, and the federal sponsorship scandal and inquiry by Justice John Gomery, which has turned the Maple Leaf into a symbol of corruption in Quebec, not pride.

On Nuns' Island, where they live, Arancibia and his grandmother, Ines Monreal, disagree on notions of patriotism, Quebec or Canadian or otherwise. He's more apolitical, she's more committed, and that includes their views on parades.

Tomorrow, Arancibia has a choice to make.

His Madagascar-born girlfriend, Jade Damdjee, spent the long weekend of June 24 in New York City. This weekend, she's going to Toronto.

"Either I go to Toronto to join her or I go camping," Arancibia said.

"For us, the long weekends aren't about parades," said Damdjee, 20.

"They're just a good occasion to get out of town."