Monday's Quips

[franko]

"Eighty-four-year-old hockey fan instructs son to slam NHL lockout in his obituary. In his death notice, Archie Bennis referred to Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow as 'skunks.' But I think the old man may have been siding with the owners. He requested a hard cap on his coffin." -- Bill Scheft, in Sports Illustrated.

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"Finally, NHL goal judges can get some work." -- Cam Hutchinson, of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, on the institution of a legal red-light district in Liverpool, England.

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Mario Lemieux figures there's a 50-50 chance the locked-out National Hockey League will get back on the ice this season. Well, duh: He's 50% owner and 50% player." -- Dwight Perry, of The Seattle Times.

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"With NHL labour talks dragging on, Red Wings defencemen Chris Chelios and Derian Hatcher joined the Motor City Mechanics of the United Hockey League. The United Hockey League? Do you get paid by the six-pack or the dollar?" -- Jim Armstrong, of The Denver Post.

link to this and other quips

[M. Beaux-Eaux]

Check these beauties out:

Jim McKenny: "Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental."

Jacques Plante: "How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?"

Conn Smythe: "Put the kids in with a few old pappy guys who still like to win and the combination is unbeatable."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my (expletive) clothes."

Tony Amonte, on possessing the NHL’s second-longest active playing streak: "It must be the body. It’s chiseled out of marshmallows."

Teemu Selanne, on the importance of the All-Star game: "Winning is always fun, but the car is more important."

Phil Esposito, on his daughter Carrie getting engaged to Alexander Selivanov: "I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he’s a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: "You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time."

Mike Modano, on Sergei Fedorov’s breaking three sticks on Dallas players: " I don’t know if Anna (Kournikova) told him to get tougher or what."

When Miroslav Satan puts his credit card out to pay bills, he says "They ask me, 'Is this really your name?'" His standard response: "Only in America."

Patrick Roy, on his attempt at the Edmonton Oilers empty net: "I guess they respect my shot because they were all ready at the blue line."

Edmonton’s Boris Mironov, on playing with a sore ankle: "I just tape four Tylenols to it."

The St. Louis Blues Media Guide was recalled to the tune of a $70,000 loss as the result of a listing in the team record section. It related to the amount of 'Oral Satisfaction' that the team got in one game.

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