Habs & Leafs fan jokes

[rocky]

A good friend e-mailed this joke to me I thought that is was worthy of posting. There are tons of these out there, definetly a nostalgia item, cause they go way back



On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the beautiful shorelinein an area where Canadian tourists typically inhabit when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. He drove closer to see what it was.

Upon approaching the scene, he saw a man in the water wearing a Montreal Canadiens hockey jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

At that moment, a speedboat containing three men wearing Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys, roared into view from around the
point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harp00n into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Montreal fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They then bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.

It was the Pope summoning them to the beach. After they reached shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said,
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was bitter hatred in your country between the fans of the Leafs and the Canadiens, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and companionship and could serve as a model on which other countries, like this one, could follow".

He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harthingyer asked the others, "Who was that?" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom".

"Well," the harp00ner replied, "he doesn't know a thing about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay, or do we need to get another one?"

[Cranky]

Sick, just plain sick.

I guess that's why I loved it!

[Viper]

This albertan farmer dies and goes to hell working away on his eternal task of d**nation as if their was a cool wind and a beer in his hand Satan is flustered asking. " whats with you everyone else down hear is writhing in pain and agony and you look as though you haven't a care in the world" to which the albertan replies, "guess you've never been to alberta its a heckuvalot hotter there than this"

Angered by the albertan Satan cranks the heat to well into the high 200's and the albertan simply takes of his t shirt and keeps on working. Angered again satan yells at the farmer. " i see you have no trouble with the heat but how do you like the cold " turning the heat to minus 110 everything in hell freezes over in a matter of minutes with the exception of the farmer who is screaming with joy and excitement as though he had won the lottery..............
















"THE LEAFS JUST WON THE CUP THE LEAFS JUST WON THE CUP !!!!"

[Pam]

How about these (one is another variation on the one Viper posted. It's the one I see most often).

#1 (I've always liked this one)
Four hockey fans are climbing a mountain together, one is a St. Louis fan, one is a Montreal fan, one is a Detroit fan and one is a Toronto fan. As they climb, they argue about whose team is the best and who is the biggest fan. When they get to the top of the mountain, the St Louis fan says that he will prove that he's the biggest fan, so he runs and jumps off the side of the mountain, shouting "This is for St Louis!" as he falls. Not to be outdone, the Montreal fan follows suit, yelling "This is for the Habs!" as he falls. After the Montreal fan has become silenced, the Detroit and the Toronto fan glare at each other. Then the Toronto fan pushes the Detroit fan off the side of the mountain, proclaiming "this is for the good of hockey fans everywhere!"


#2 (Even though I am a Leafs fan, I've always loved his one.

Two men, both Leafs fans, died and were sent down to hell. When they arrived there, the Devil decided to see how they were suffering in hell and found them both having a barbecue and enjoying themselves greatly.

"What's wrong with you?" asked the Devil, "You're supposed to be suffering in the heat down here!"
One of the Leafs fans replied, "We're from Toronto...it's drats(the ban word list converted it) cold there for most of the year, so we're just enjoying the heat."

Angry, the Devil decided to turn up the heat even more. He returned to find the Leafs fans enjoying every minute of the heat. Even more frustrated, the Devil decided to turn up the heat as far as it would go. He was sure that would make the Leafs fans suffer but instead he returned to find them sunbathing.

"What will it take to make these people suffer?!" thought the Devil. "Wait, I know. Since they don't mind the heat, maybe the cold will get to them." So the Devil turned off the heat, and hell began to get colder and colder. Positive that the cold would be the end of the Leafs fans' happiness he went to see them and to gloat. Much to his shock, he found that they were jumping around, popping the champagne and celebrating.

"What is wrong with you people?!" exclaimed the Devil. "It's freezing cold in here and you're celebrating! For what?"

"The Leafs won the Cup! The Leafs won the Cup!" replied the fans.

"How do you know that?" asked the Devil.

"Because Hell finally froze over!"


#3
A Toronto Maple Leaf fan, a Red Wings fan and a Boston Bruins fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of the sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the alcohol, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Boston Bruin fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Boston Bruin fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Red Wings fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Detroit fan crying.

The Toronto Maple Leafs fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You support the greatest team in the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal hockey fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your most Royal highness", the Leafs fan replies.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

"Tie the Red Wings fan to my back."